Blessed.

Even though I've been grouchy and more anti-social lately, I've been feeling really blessed. I'm the kind of person who always puts herself in a lose-lose situation, and when I land up in a loserish state, it's so loserish that I don't even wanna tell anyone, and I end up feeling even more loserish AND alone. I wonder if there's anyone else in the world who is like me, constantly self- sabotaging and not fighting for your own rights and happiness cos you're too afraid to step on others' toes.

Despite being such a loser, like I said, I'm still very blessed. Pardon my lack of vocab, but that's the blog title right. I was just sitting in my training lessons and trying not to fall asleep (jetlag, lah) when I realised how lucky I am to be doing something I really love. I know I'm kinda contradicting myself since I nodded off in the lessons and I still claim to love my work. I also know that the worst hasn't come, I mean I'm only at training now so I haven't felt the full force of stressful deadlines, horrible bug fixes and office politics that will come in no time. But at least for now, this present moment, I'm feeling so glad that I have a chance to be where I am, doing something I am so comfortable with. I'm glad I'm in a company who cares about your welfare and has such a friendly culture, and yet challenges you to work harder and do your best because of this pride you feel of being part of it. At least that's how I perceive the working attitudes of erm, most of the people here. I'm glad to be in the US, being exposed to the culture, having a chance to bond with my colleagues and managers, and of course, getting to travel around here was something I'd never get to do for a long time if not for this training.

Throughout my 16 years of studies, I don't think I can regard myself as being very hardworking (only during Uni, yes.. that was hell) but somehow I always managed to get good grades. Haha, not dean'slist/spaper/thirteenA1s/topinpsle-kind of good grades, but I would say grades above average, but just slightly below the most smartiepants of our country (who mostly aren't in our country, they're all on overseas scholarships or something). I don't regard myself as smart as well, since I can hardly hold an intelligent conversation nor articulate my thoughts well (if I have any in the first place). But maybe I'm just exam smart or some shit.. Ok now that I look at it this way it's pretty useless to get good grades and be so socially inept but at least it's better than nothing (haha) and it can still get you places.

I'm blessed to have my family who loves me so much. Even though it's unspoken, and even though I'm seldom at home, they're the ones who support me emotionally, physically, financially (hee). My parents scrimp and save so that we can have a comfortable life, encouraging me to buy whatever I want. It's like as long as you're happy, they will just stand behind you and beam. On the other hand, I often spend my money on nonsense. Ok this is getting out of point.

Of course there're my bestest friends who I'm gonna neglect for a year, who tell me how much they miss me (ha!) who'll be my bestest friends even til I'm grandma paw. (now aunty paw already right? Next time grandma.) I definitely don't have many friends, and I don't meet up with you guys often as well but those who I consider my friends are very much treasured and loved. Whoever's considered my friends.. you guys will know lah huh. I shy. =)

Lastly, there's the one who tolerates my nonsense (like coming here for a year without consulting him), who takes care of me, who's working very hard to save up to visit me, who's growing with me in love and life.

Blessed anot?